shopping can make you feel human

The only things I wanted to accomplish today were goi to the bank, maybe get a passport photo, maybe clean the floor and maybe do my workout.
The first thing that got crossed off was the passport photo when I realized that I couldn't get a passport in time to be able to go to this American film festival that invited me down. The truth is I procrastinated like crazy because I wasn't all that enthusiastic about attending this festival. I have no idea why. Once upon a time when my friends were getting invited to film festivals, I was crazy jealous. Now I guess I'm a bit jaded. Or maybe it was just the fact that this festival was only two days long and they were only inviting me for a day. So it would be a big bother.
Still that doesn't explain it. I think I'm just lazy. And maybe I need a little rest from this film, after the relative whirlwind of the Hot Docs and the TVO premieres, so close on top of each other.
Anyway I still haven't done the floor or the workout but I think I'm going to get around to both. I hate working out but when I did it a couple of days ago, I did feel good afterwards.
Yesterday someone implied that, even if I worked out and did everything I want to do, I still would never have the body I dream of. What they were saying was that I should do it for its own sake. The fact is I don't think I dream about having a great body or anything near. I just dream of losing two to four inches from my waist so I can more easily find clothes that firt me. If I could be stocky instead of fat, I think I'd be satisfied.
When I'm finished the workout, I know I don't look any better but I feel like I must look better, so that's reason enough to do it. Tomorrow someone's coming over to do some work, who also works as a personal trainer. Maybe he'll give me the skinny, so to speak, on my challenges.
(That's why I'm cleaning the floor, by the way... because someone's coming over and I need an excuse.)

Anyway I mostly frittered the day away, just too comfortable sitting on the porch or working on my iTunes cleanup project, to move. It was such a nice day. I wish I had more to do but days like this, it's hard to do anything.
Finally though, I got off my ass. It was bike weather but my bike was outside all winter and it needs a new chain. So that was another reason to move, so I could take my bike to the shop around the corner. It'll be ready Saturday. Maybe I'll ride it to High Park that day and then climb the steps there for exercise. I've lived here in the shadow of the Park for almost a year but haven't been there yet.

Somebody told me my posts are too long. So I'll try to wrap this up.

I went to the bank, deposited a cheque and paid a bunch of overdue bills. I sort of can't wait till I rent my upstairs apartment. I say "sort of" because I also dread it. Having someone living above me. Having to worry about noise, mine and theirs. I really wish I didn't have to rent it but the way I set up my house, it's just wasted space and it should get some use. Mostly of course, I need the money.
After the bank, I thought about going down to the more southerly Polish deli, which has way nicer breaded chicken cutlets than my local place, though my local place has way nicer smoked sausage. And they're really pushy at the southerly place, trying to get you to buy more things and also making it clear that they'd be a lot nicer to you if you were Polish, which I've never felt at my local place.
I wish I could avoid them completely but I wanted the chicken and I thought I could use the walk. After I bought the cutlets, which I'm almost sure they overcharged me for, I went to the health food store. I don't like that store either. They're all sourpusses there. But they have these Indian spicy veggie things, which you just drop in boiling water and they're really really good and really cheap. So I ignored their unfriendliness and gave them my (insignificant) business.
(They're so unfriendly at this store that it almost makes you yearn for the normal holier-than-thou bullshit you have to put up with at other health food stores.)

By this point, I was getting a little tired. It might have had something to do with my jean jacket which was probably unnecessary given the warm weather. It's like this every summer; it takes me a while to shed my protective layers, I feel too exposed at first.
A few blocks from my house, I saw these blueberries on sale. Someone in Vancouver who I interviewed for Lovable. told me she freezes blueberries as a kind of healthy frozen snack so I've been doing the same and it works for me. But blueberry prices seem to fluctuate wildly from two dollars to four dollars a tiny container, so I couldn't resist them.
Then I saw raspberries. They're always expensive and these seemed a tad cheaper so I grabbed them.
It was when I was in this vegetable store that I suddenly felt this strange sense of being connected to all human activities.

I mean right now, I'm back home and I'm listening to my Matt Pond PA records (they're a band, in case you never heard of them) and I'm trying to decide which ones to keep on my hard drive and which ones to take off. The iTunes cleanup project is all about the fact that, for instance, somehow I've acquired SIX Matt Pond PA records and that's just too much so I have to make a snap judgement about which ones to keep and which ones to remove, even though they more or less all sound the same.
When I'm home doing this kind of stuff, I don't really feel connected to the community of man.
But when I was in the store buying blueberries alongside all these pretty mothers and fathers buying vegetables, I did feel like I was part of the world. It was a nice feeling.

Okay my hardwood floor awaits. I have to figure out how to do it and then avoid walking on it for a couple of hours. I guess I'll hide down in the basement, where I definitely won't feel connected to the community of man, even if, God forbid, I give in and watch the American Idol finale.